As an adoptive mother of thirteen children, eleven of which are of biracial, Hispanic, and African descent, I have seen Racism. Now, that is a bold statement as most of Racism is not a blatant verbal or physical display, of someone’s hatred of skin color or culture. It is woven into the fabric of our society in subtle ways that we often do not see unless we are, well, not white. When we grow up white, in a dominantly white society, we are often oblivious to Racism because it does not affect us and until now, it did not affect us. Now, we are being forced to look at the issue whether it is from rioters, protesters, or simple articles like these. It is in the news at the Doctor’s office, our gym, social media, and on the radio. We can not escape it, even if we refuse to look at it in our private homes and cars.
How have I seen Racism as a parent of non-white children.
- People automatically stare. They can not help but stare, because I am white and some of my children are ‘obviously’ not mine. Interestingly, several of my children have white biological mothers and would have been brought up in a white home, had I not adopted them. Regardless, people forget how hurtful a simple ‘stare’ can be, especially without a smile associated with it.
- Blatant Racism is probably the most hurtful, causing bitterness and anger to set into the soul. When my daughter worked in the grocery store near our home, in a diverse suburb of Phoenix, AZ, she began to bag the customers groceries as her job description requires. The woman instantly told her not to bag her groceries, because she would do it, adding that she did not want my daughter touching her groceries as she was ‘black.’ My daughter did not respond negatively to her. When her order was scanned and bagged by the cashier, my daughter then asked the woman if she would like help out to her car with her groceries. It was then that it really sunk in. The woman exclaimed it very clearly, that she wanted, “No help” from my daughter “because she was black.” This happened just last year, in 2019, and is just one example.
- Round about Racism. My foster brother was attending an elementary school in a predominantly white rural area. My foster brother had a white mom but took after his African American father. A fellow student in the first grade called him the ‘N’ word. My little brother lashed out at the other boy in anger by pushing him. He was quickly and harshly disciplined by the principal, but the boy calling him names received no punishment.
More recently, my bi-racial son walked into a new church in an urban area, when he immediately felt uncomfortable. Two white men began to talk in whispered tones. He left, vowing he would not go to any church. (Thankfully, he did, and found a very welcoming church with people willing to really reach out to him and introduce him to a man who does not judge; Jesus.)
- Subtle Racism is not often seen or recognized by those not looking for it or living it. My sixteen-year-old son is an athletic African soccer player for his high school and club. We have seen him get completely pulverized, blatantly tripped, and elbowed in the head several times in one game until he finally got hit in the right spot to give him a concussion. I understand soccer is a contact sport. I did not sign him up for ballet lessons, but what happens to him on the field is unethical and wrong. He rarely gets calls, meaning that when these fouls occur, they are ignored. Regardless of how twisted up his body gets or how hard he hits the ground, he is expected to withstand it. If he were a thin white kid, such a move would not be ignored, but would cause the other player to be kicked out of the game with a red card. He has extraordinary talent and it breaks my heart that he is rarely free to play the game he loves, rather it is turned into a wrestling match with arms twisted with his as he is running full speed or turned into a football game with no protective gear. My child’s offense is EWB – Excelling While Black. He is unstoppable on the field except when he is pulverized, tripped or elbowed illegally.
Society needs to begin to recognize, care, and stand up to Racism and targeting. We are all the same race – the human race – with more similarities than differences. All lives matter, born and unborn, and we need to treat everyone as such. Society needs to stop targeting people based on their color, culture, and profession (ie police officers), and society starts with each and every individual.
Ask someone today how their color has affected how they have been treated. Ask for their story.
