Preparation can be the key you need to succeed. By understanding traumatized children for example, you are setting the child up for success in your adoptive home rather than a disappointment in your eyes or a failure in his own eyes. Preparation gives you the information and knowledge to make an informed decision. If after contemplating the information, you choose not to adopt, that is ok. Adoption is not for everyone. I used to think that everyone should adopt one child and there would no longer be a child anywhere that did not have a home to call their own, but after our struggles and experiences, I understand that it is more of a calling. Are you called to adopt? Perhaps this checklist will help you know the answer.
- Are you familiar with typical adoptive issues such as RAD (now DTD) and PTSD? (RAD – Reactive Attachment Disorder, DTD – Developmental Trauma Disorder, PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). https://angiekelliston.com/attachment-disorder/
- Choose the Country you would like to adopt from. Do your research. Hague countries have more stringent laws and policies, but it has also been a protective measure used to decrease illegal adoptions and slave situations. Pay close attention to their adoption requirements and be sure you meet them as your time fighting these requirements would be better spent adopting elsewhere.
- Choose an Agency that deals professionally with this country – do your research – find an agency that has the qualities you are looking for, primarily: friendly, professional, and easy to work with especially should you have any challenges with your child. You need an agency that will not only back you up but point you in the right direction for help. Be sure you meet their requirements as well. For example, some agencies do not want to work with you if you already have five children in the home.
- Choose an Attorney – Whether you are working with the County you live in or an agency or adopting privately, you will need an attorney. Find an attorney with a good reputation in Family Law/Adoption. Perhaps your agency can recommend one.
- Keep in mind that no matter how tough the situation is for the biological parents/family, you cannot give them money or it would be as if you are buying the child. You should, however, offer to pay the attorney of their choice to represent them. You can also help by paying their medical fees, hotel fees or any other fees associated with giving birth to a child.
- Adoption Support is important for your mental and emotional health. Find a Facebook group, church adoption group, a local foster/adoptive group, or friends you can call on who have adopted. You will have questions.
- Build your adoption library. Have books that speak to adoptive children and teens. Have resource books for yourself. Take time to read them and familiarize yourself with them. https://angiekelliston.com/books/
- Don’t neglect your relationship with your spouse. Stay on the same page and have each other’s backs.
- Adoption Credit – is a program the government has offered in the past. It helps credit you for the expenses you paid in adopting your child including travel, hotels, adoption agency fees and legal fees. Check to see if it is still applicable to your adoption.
“Another way to be prepared is to think negatively. Yes, I’m a great optimist. but, when trying to make a decision, I often think of the worst case scenario. I call it ‘the eaten by wolves factor.’ If I do something, what’s the most terrible thing that could happen? Would I be eaten by wolves? One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist, is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose. There are a lot of things I don’t worry about, because I have a plan in place if they do.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
