Our adopted children come across as strong, tough and durable, but like any child, inside they are fragile, inflexible and dependent on the adults in their lives. In many ways, adopted children are more fragile and dependent. In their hearts, they have jumbled emotions and walls that have been created by their trauma, experiences and loss. Many of them have learned to control those around them by manipulating and triangulating. Therefore, in uncertain, stressful times like the Covid-19 Coronavirus that take away their routine and control, their struggles can resurface.
Fears and Insecurity: Food stealing and hoarding, overeating, and behavioral issues will most likely increase. Every adoptive parent handles this differently and can get irritated by someone else’s thoughts on this. Many do not believe that you should lock food up as these children already have food issues and it only makes it worse. I haven’t found that. My children had these issues whether I locked it up or left it out. But I did find that if I wanted to have any sanity in my home, I needed to lock our food in pantries and freezers. There was always food and drinks of all sorts available as well as three meals a day.
Health: Some adopted children already have underlying health risks. For example, our son was three when we adopted him from a third world country. He was in the orphanage because he almost died of an unknown Respiratory Infection. He doesn’t struggle anymore with it, but it could become a factor if he contracted the Coronavirus. Our other son has asthma symptoms when he gets allergies or a cold, so the Coronavirus would be an obvious issue for him.
Adoptions: Several borders, businesses, organizations, face to face meetings have been suspended for a certain amount of time. It wouldn’t be wise to continue the adoption route right now.
Bonding: Time in the home setting can be a good thing and can create moments of bonding such as playing therapeutic games, board games, charades, card games, cooking together, baking, homeschooling, etc. but for some adopted children with attachment issues such as RAD or DTD, it can become a conflicting time for them because bonding is a threat to their mindset. It can be a battle zone. Therefore, that forces some parents to be in a survival mode. Watch RAD videos I created on my website if you’d like to learn more or share awareness. www.AngieKElliston.com
Lead: They will follow your lead. If you are stressed and dysregulated, they will also be a mess emotionally and dysregulated. I believe in telling children the truth. Remain in their wavelength and cognitive abilities when addressing issues surrounding the Coronavirus. They may not need to know all the details, but some details may help them understand it better. You know your child better than anyone and can decipher what is too much and what they need to know.
ALL of these may be factors for the adoptive parent as well. These uncertain times have created fears anxieties, and insecurities that we have never had to deal with before. Many of us in stable, secure jobs are now watching our small amount of savings dwindle to nothing as no income comes in. Many adoptive parents are already struggling with their health and wellness, as children with trauma may make it extremely difficult to stay in shape and even stay well. I urge you all to take precautions against the Coronavirus, as well as take care of yourselves the best that you can, including plenty of sleep, nutritious food and some type of workout. Sometimes you need to be creative in finding ways to workout. I am teaching our foster puppy to run along side the scooter so that someday she will be able to run along side a bicycle. There are a variety of free workout programs on YouTube including walking in place, running, yoga, stretching, Tae Bo and aerobics. Find someone who inspires you and does a workout that you are able and willing to do.
If you know a foster/adoptive parent, please check on them. Send them a text, a note of encouragement, a call, or an email. Let them know that you read a blog about their possible struggles and that you are thinking of them. Most often, they already feel quite isolated and alone in their struggles and in their feelings, but the circumstances around the Coronavirus has just made it more real.
What to do: We can’t ‘fix’ our children’s issues in a two-month quarantine, but hopefully we can help them understand what’s going on and carry on in some sort of routine and safety.
Be sure you’re safe!
Pick your battles.
Stay Healthy.
Keep a routine.
Take deep breaths.
Don’t worry about their schooling. Do what you can, but don’t fuss beyond that.
If you have therapeutic games such as the Talking, Doing, Feeling game, it would be a great time to bring it out. Story cubes and story cards are also great. It may be time to invest in a game or two. Several sites, as well as Amazon offer them.
