The pros and cons of celebrating Halloween
Many children, as well as adults, love Halloween. They love the one day a year that allows them to bring out their evil side or be someone or something they are not. The decorations, parties, costumes, and the spooky events are exciting. For others, it is just fun to pretend they are a superhero, a worker in their favorite profession, an object, or an Indian with a papoose. Halloween can be a lot of fun, but not for everyone. We ask ourselves, ‘Should I celebrate Halloween with my adopted child?’ Here are some things to consider when approaching Halloween with your adopted child.
Respect Beliefs: If your child is not adopted yet, it is respectful to be considerate of the child’s biological parents’ belief system. It may also be against the child’s belief system, and in that case, it should definitely be respected.
It is real: For some children, especially those adopted from other countries, evil is very real to them. The boogie man has snatched children in the night to kill, enslave, or force them to be child soldiers. They also may believe the ocean has a boogie man under water waiting to snap necks. Evil and the fear behind it may have been a large part of their belief system.
It is creepy: The decorations may seem harmless and funny to you, but to a young child or a child from a difficult culture or family situation, it may be traumatizing. Our children have seen dead people on the side of the road in their home country. They were also aware of the Boogie Man who truly existed in their country. When walking into a department store after Halloween decorations had gone up, they screamed and ran to me crying, completely terrorized. We stopped going to the store together in the months leading up to Halloween. It was too much for them. I found ways to shop by myself.
Evil Exists: Whether you believe in evil or not, many of these children have lived such evil. Many of these children are from some very hard places. They may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or seen things that children should never see in their young lives. One of our children watched the family dog being killed on the kitchen table. Another one of our children was pushed out a second story window.
Begging: Adopted children often come into your home with a sense of entitlement and Halloween can bring this out to a greater level. Others have used begging tactics for survival in their home country or family situation.
Stealing: Adopted children typically struggle with stealing. It is a compulsion they have stemming from their survival mentality deep within them. Candy wrappers, in our home, have been found in heating ducts, tub drains, shirt pockets, behind furniture, and on the ground outside, despite our attempts to get them to throw away the wrappers. Locking the Halloween candy up in a ‘dessert cabinet’ can help, but it is not always enough to curb the issues.
Sugar: Many children are affected negatively from sugar and dyes, and Halloween candy is full of them. Pay attention to your child’s behavior before and after sugar. Be knowledgeable of the affects of sugar on the human body and particularly in children. Some people have chosen to continue in the events of Halloween, but then allow their children to pick out ten pieces of candy, donating the rest to an organization near them.
Poor Behavior: Whatever the reason, whether it is stated above or not, Halloween may bring out the worst in your child’s behavior. It may not be worth the effort when you begin to experience unmanageable behaviors.
