Homeschooling is a choice of many families for a variety of reasons, ranging from religious beliefs and morals to simply wanting what it best for their child’s needs. The Pandemic has created another reason to Homeschool. Some have been forced into what is being known as Crisis Schooling because the school systems have closed, the future is unknown, and many families are left scared – scared of the dangers that the Pandemic have to offer.
I have Homeschooled thirteen adopted children, not necessarily from Kindergarten to High School. Some of our children we adopted at older ages. Some of our children have gone to Public High School, some to Private High School, and some Homeschooled throughout High School. We have tried to do what was best for each of our children, given their individual needs, our options at the time, and our personal desires. I have Homeschooled for over twenty years and wanted to share what I have learned, for those, uncertain of what they will be choosing for their child.
To begin with, I have not Homeschooled the typical child, brought up in a two-parent family, in a stable home, except for our newborn, but even he, struggles with ADHD. My focus is homeschooling children from difficult situations.
#1 THEIR TRANSITION YEAR: The first year in your home is useless as far as learning and retaining new information. I would suggest keeping it light, fun, and playing a lot of therapeutic games such as the Talking, Feeling, Doing game or story cubes. I also love things like Mad Libs to learn grammar skills such as parts of speech. Sequential Spelling is simple and gives quick feedback. Reading books together, even if they are historical in nature such as the I Survived Series or more non-fictional such as a missionary series written by Janet and Geoff Benge, provides sitting closely, cuddling and answering questions as they arise from interested children. My most traumatized children would talk of horrendous things that they went through as youngsters, during grammar class. Perhaps it was low-key enough for them to open their minds and remember things that they normally would have suppressed. I do not know, but I think it was good for them and me, as well.
None of our children could read well. We had to start from the beginning with every child due to their past schooling situations but seeing the progress and watching them learn to enjoy reading made it all worthwhile. Pay attention to the small steps and do not be as concerned with the larger steps. They will come.
#2 CHANGE CURRICULUM AS NEEDED: Do not stick to a book or a way of doing things, just because you bought it. There are many opportunities to buy cheaper products and/or sell what you have bought. This is one of my biggest mistakes. I relied on my children to tell me the truth about what they thought of curriculum we were using, but they would not tell me when it was too difficult. Instead, they would find ways to cheat. Yes, they will cheat, even in a home setting. So, take cues and keep it lively and real.
#3 FIND RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO YOU: Outsource where you feel comfortable. Our homeschool resources have included co-ops, P.E. classes, ice skating lessons, live online classes, recorded online classes, retired Spanish teachers, YouTube videos, library programs, library books, and field trips such as museums, theaters, and symphonies. There are many different community resources that you can tap into to make it not only bearable, but lively.
#4 CHASE THE WIND: Do not be afraid to ‘chase the wind.’ When you are learning something new and it brings up questions – do not be afraid to stop what you are doing and research for the answer. If you feel compelled to continue what you are studying, write down the question for later or the following day. When a child is interested enough to ask questions, they are more likely to learn the material when it is presented to them. Finding answers, after all, is much of what you learn to do in college. I had to write a twenty-page paper my first year of college on a specific painting. After I got over the shock of the assignment, I got to work researching and enjoying what I learned. Much to my surprise, I was able to fill the twenty pages.
#5 DO YOUR BEST AND DO NOT SECOND GUESS: You will have plenty of time to doubt yourself and doubt that your child is learning and wonder if you are doing more harm than good. I would not bother with such thoughts. Undoubtedly, every January and May are the worst for these thoughts to creep in. There is no one on this face of the Earth, who loves your child and understands your child, as much as you. Join FB or local groups to help you solidify your commitment to your decision to homeschool. Research and learn curriculum available. Attend conferences. Enjoy watching your children grow and enjoy the moments they finally understand a concept you have been plugging away at. Homeschooling allows the student to learn at their own pace, so it is not uncommon for a child to be ahead of their grade/age level in one class and behind in another class. Relax and allow your student to learn, rather than being shoved facts to move onto the next grade.
#6 HOMESCHOOLING IS A LIFESTYLE: There is no real beginning or end to a homeschool day. For years, I began our school day at 9am and ended at 3pm. This works for many people. But the fact of the matter is, homeschooling does not really end. Making dinner, shopping for dinner, chores, caring for foster puppies, taking care of a pet, making paper airplanes, building a bird house, going to the local hardware store for paint supplies, a home project, a fun craft, making homemade playdough, baking cookies, learning a new recipe, measuring for new carpet, researching remote control cars,… you get the picture…all of these offer a variety of learning opportunities. Measuring, reading reviews, unit pricing, budgeting, recording inventory, employable skills, and/or planning. All of these are helpful for the child’s future. The first teacher in your child’s life was You. You taught them to say, “Mama, Dadda, yes, no, car, truck, pig, dog, bird….You taught them to walk, jump rope, ride a bike, play with playdough, and learn their shapes and animal noises.
#7 FACE THE TRAUMA: Often times, adopted children have missed a great deal of school in their past due to their dysfunctional homelife, missing many school days, frequent moves and/or trauma response. Trauma stops a person’s brain from being able to receive the information it is given. Trauma, if not dealt with appropriately, i.e. Neurofeedback or EMDR therapy (not traditional talk therapy), can prevent the child from learning to their potential. Deal with the gaps, keep it low-stress, and figure out where they need to begin. Take extra time to deal with their trauma. We would often read books or go through trauma workbooks together. Learning with diagrams and pictures and writing on a board or large paper is best for them to visualize what you are trying to teach. We called it TFTF, ‘Therapy for the Family’ and each child had their own notebook and wrote what was on the board. It kept them accountable and including all sorts of topics such as how to be a friend and who a safe person would be. They all enjoyed it and I kept them engaged by including them with role play and open-ended questions.
#8 UNDESIRABLE BEHAVIORS: Unfortunately, adoptive issues and trauma often comes with behaviors that we did not necessary plan for or had time for in our busy lives. I tried to battle each undesired moment as a learning opportunity. We can learn from our mistakes, what makes our child tick, what our child’s triggers are, and ways we can perhaps avoid the meltdowns and/or undesirable behaviors. Some of our children, due to their Reactive Attachment Disorder or other uncontrollable trauma response, struggle to learn from consequences, punishments, and/or their own mistakes. That brings me to #9.
#9 OUR OWN TRIGGERS: We learn more about ourselves than our child. Homeschooling brings out the best and the worst in all of us. We do not have the time away from one another. We begin to realize, not just what triggers our child, but also what triggers us. For example, my child was an expert at the ‘blank stare’ when asked a simple question or caught in a lie. It was their trauma response. Researching the Parenting from A-Z might be beneficial. It would not be good for the teacher to go ballistic when triggered, nor do we want that for ourselves. We all need to learn calming techniques, taking several deep breaths, taking time out to pray, stepping away, and addressing it at a later, calmer time. The child needs to learn that too. Gaming systems, such as the Mightier is costly, but is a fun way for children to learn calming skills. Make it a priority. You will all be happier for it. It is worth the extra time put into it.
#10 ENJOY EVERY AGE: When my first newborn was born and I went to the hospital with his birth mother, I decided at that point, to enjoy every age. Sometimes we forget, with each age and their eventual strive for independence, to enjoy them. I keep a book, “My Quotable Kid” and write down some of the funny things my kids say. Sometimes they feel few and far between as I can get so frustrated with them or just buried in our daily activities and tasks, but it is important to document those good times and those funny moments. We do not want to forget these fun moments together, and I often read them to my children as they grow up.
