This blog is part of the blog series I have been writing on What A Potential Adopter Needs to Know. I have spoken to several potential adopters as well as adoptive parents, and this blog series has been long desired.
Difficult people can be found in every area of our lives, but I have found that the mere mention of adoption stirs up an array of emotions due to assumptions, personal experiences. and their belief system. Writing blogs, books, posts and comments brings out those emotions in my readers, and even in those who have not read anything I have written, but comment and give book reviews based on their inner anger regrading their adoption experiences.
DIFFICULT PEOPLE: Keep in mind you are venturing into the adoption realm, a realm of heated conversations, strong opinions, various degrees of power and touchy subjects. Dealing with people can be difficult but add the previous issues, and you may find it extraordinarily difficult. Tread lightly when expressing your opinion. Everyone is coming from a different set of beliefs, expectations, experiences, intelligence and understanding. These difficult people can even be professionals like therapists, nurses, and social workers (just examples of professionals you might deal with).
Difficult people can also come in packages you do not expect. As an adoptive parent, we have been complimented a great deal for our ‘huge hearts’ and our desire to adopt so many children. Shockingly, we have been judged heavily, often by the very same people who have once complimented us. We have also been judged by people who believe our children’s lies and fabrications built around their inner struggles and made up realities. We have been judged because of the rules we tried to put in place to keep our children safe and growing. Everyone has an opinion, especially about a topic such as adoption, and they are not afraid to share it.
WHEN YOU’RE THE DIFFICULT PERSON: Parenting cannot be from fear or anger, or our own baggage or PTSD from childhood or infertility or other distractions. We need to have our head in the game and take it seriously. That does not mean you cannot adopt; it means those things should be appropriately and therapeutically dealt with before adopting because it can rear its ugly head when trying to parent a child having less than desirable behaviors and/or attitudes. For example, several of my children had fits of rage/ anger that required patience, understand, compassion, forgiveness and an inner strength that I never knew I had until bombarded with such a confrontation. A parent coming from an abusive upbringing herself, with a father who had fits of rage due to his alcoholism, may be triggered by her own adoptive child’s fits of rage. Her PTSD will be triggered, and she will put herself in danger of either abusing the child (excessive or inappropriate punishment) or furthering her PTSD in another way.
